Respite…

I headed out of Sandusky twice. The first time, I was stuck at the bus station in Cleveland for several hours longer than necessary because a headlamp was out on the bus we were supposed to be on. I ended up having Anthony drive an hour to come get me and take me home. I headed out the next day with a little trepidation, but still hopeful that things would go smoothly. And, for the most part, it did. I have a significant complaint about the ticket agents and food service people in the Cleveland location, but I’ll deal with that once I get back home.

Now I’m sitting at the dining table in A’s house and enjoying every moment. I’ve slept more deeply, have woken more refreshed, have breathed in more intentionally, have walked in the woods, have sat in the garden with garden kitties (one of whom drools a bit when he’s really happy), and have sipped coffee while enjoying the sounds of the crickets and birds. I needed this time away from everything more than I thought. My mind is already more clear than it’s been in ages, my appetite seems to be more regular, and my creativity is increasing. My physical issues are still in full force, but I think I know how I’m going to handle that when I get back home.

Some of the thoughts I’ve had fall along the lines of how I’m going to build my house, what new designs I’ll be knitting, and how to help myself and others through darker times. I don’t have all the answers, but I am gaining more and more each day.

Yesterday we walked up the Craggy Gardens trails and spent quite some time up there. We’d stop to look at ferns, mosses, berries, and leaves. We’d stop to listen to and try to see the birds. We’d stop to let the wind wash over us as it played in the trees. We’d let people pass us as we listened to the sounds of nature. We even stopped to watch the clouds pass over one of the ridges in the distance just so that we could see the sun on the changing colors. And I took loads of pictures. I look forward to getting back to my computer so I can compare the camera’s quality vs. the phone’s quality. I already think I know which will win out, and I’ll let you know what I think.

There was a part of me that felt guilty about leaving my problems behind. After all, they will still be there when I return, there will be no grand change to make them all disappear. I will still worry about my kids, I will still struggle to pay the bills, I will still try to decipher how (if at all) I fit into my bio-family, I will still feel the weight of an Ohio winter. But, I think I will have more energy for all these things. This vacation feels more of a retreat than anything else so far and I’m so grateful for the ability to do it.

For now, I wish you all love and peace. And energy.