Planning & Preparations, Thoughts & Musings

Deep breaths…

Ofelia is so cute.

It’s funny how I can think of so many things to write about and when I finally sit in front of this page it all flies out of my head. I can give some updates, though.

Therapy has been postponed. This particular therapist wasn’t helping me. I wasn’t trying to end my life because of childhood traumas or because of the assaults or any of the other things that I’ve come to terms with over the last 30 years. No, I wanted to end it because I was so tired of the daily struggle and the misery in the world. But, this therapist wanted me to think on all the losses in my life or why I was angry with my mother or… well, it wasn’t a good fit. I’ll likely find another one after I move if I feel the need.

Moving is going to be interesting. There is a slight tossup between 2 places and it will be determined within the next couple weeks or so. While I’m ready to head out by the end of this month, everything is on hold until we find out if we will be able to travel from state to state. Since there are so many states who have ordered people to “shelter in place” we will have to find out if that means moving, too (most likely, we’re just trying to be prepared). I also need to go get more boxes. The joys of moving are few.

I’m learning more and more how to shop based on my beliefs and such (check out an app called Goods Unite Us). Even small things like letting go of Pandora or Campbell soups makes a difference in how challenging my simple routine can be. But, I can sleep a little better knowing that I’m not contributing to a company who doesn’t care about (or takes direct action against) people who are important. Is it enough to avoid Hobby Lobby and Chick-Fil-a? No, but every bit helps. And now? With so many stores claiming to be “essential” and putting their employees at risk… well, my decisions have gotten harder. In this town, the craft, gaming, and electronic stores are all open. Fast food places are still open (though, a Dominos in Norwalk is now closed due to one of the employees testing positive). Car dealerships are still open. Traffic on my street hasn’t lessened at all. And the numbers of the sick, dying, and dead continue to rise daily.

Yes, I’m missing some parts of my life terribly. My daughter and granddaughter are less than a half-mile away and I haven’t been able to hang out with them since I got sick (beginning of February) and then got sick again (a couple weeks ago). I haven’t had the chance to snuggle that sweet baby in my arms and sing to her as she falls asleep. I haven’t been able to share a browse-through-the-store with that wonderful young woman as we laugh about silly things and point out pretty decor. And it’s going to break my heart to leave this state without hugging them close to me. But, do I risk their health if I’m a carrier? Do I risk my own health if they’ve been exposed (my son-in-law is most certainly an essential employee and is exposed daily to others)? And, while in the grand scheme of things all this sounds a bit selfish, I am grieving over the lost time. Mara is already crawling and trying to stand on her own and waves while smiling. I only experience these things through the screen on my computer. Well, except for a wave last week when they went for a walk and we visited outside (more than 6′ apart).

All right, enough of my pity party. I actually am trying to stay focused on the more positive things in my life. I’m nearly finished with a lovely shawl that was a great learning experience (2-color brioche stitch, brioche increases, and i-cord edging), Anthony & I have discussed some expansion for my business and a beginning for his, my vanilla orchid is doing wonderfully (one of them), and I have a lot of plant babies. I have also been cross-stitching lately and loving it! One of my friends designed a lovely dragon recently (mostly blackwork) and I can’t wait to get started on it… even though I have several other things to complete first. But, hey! I still have an empty q-snap available!

Though this isn’t as long as the thoughts in my head, I’m going to cut it short for now. Be safe, everyone. Be well. Wash your hands.

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