Apparition

 

20110430202858!Snape_Apparate

 

“One must be completely determined to reach one’s destination, and move without haste, but with deliberation.”

~J.K. Rowling

As the year finally comes to an end, I can’t help but to look around and see how far I’ve come as well as how far I have to go. And the thoughts become a chaotic tangle of threads while I sit here. My morning has been filled with the clearing of projects that will be the final fundraiser items (not counting the striping yarn club since that is ongoing), making notes of what must still be culled from my possessions, and how to organize my life and shops so that they run more smoothly. During the last couple weeks, one word has continued to ring in my heart and I’ve decided that it will be the word of the year for me.

Apparate. Yes, it’s a made up word by one of my favorite people, but it also symbolizes everything I have planned. “According to Wilkie Twycross, Ministry of Magic official and Apparition Instructor, one has but to recall The Three D’s: Destination, Determination and Deliberation.” (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling)

Let’s break that down by pieces, shall we?

Destination: I know the destination may seem a bit hazy, but it’s really not. My destination is to buy a used home on wheels (a motor home is the best choice for my intents) that doesn’t need a lot of repairs and to travel around to visit my loved ones and the people who have become great friends through Ravelry and Facebook. Part of that Destination is the attend fiber shows and festivals, to stop in coffee shops and knit with my customers and others who I call ‘fiberly’ (which is a combination of fiber+family), and to see places that I’ve never had the chance to see or only barely remember from childhood. Part of the Destination is to share pictures of dyeing yarn out in the woods or deserts or plains, blogging about the walks I take in the wild and the inspiration that stems from that, and to bring you all with me so that you can share this adventure. Part of the Destination includes teaching the new puppy (who will be adopted shortly before I leave, I hope) various tricks and good manners, perhaps allowing the cats to come outside on harnesses, and to do all the things I need to do to remain healthy (I am still striving to avoid any cardiovascular surgeries). The Destination includes moving every couple weeks to a new location fewer than 300 miles from the old location. For example, I might be in Sandusky, Ohio for the winter holidays then travel to Monongahela National Forest in West Virginia for a couple weeks. The Destination is fluid, but also certain.

Determination: I will admit that some of my Determination faded during this last couple of months when the work schedule became one of stress and pressure. Longer days of physical activity wore me out and left me needing so much more sleep than I thought possible. Arriving at work at 2 o’clock in the morning and staying there until around 10:30 put a strain on my physical reserves that I’d not thought possible. Adding the hours at home trying to keep the shops from folding increased that strain. And so, the determination faltered just a bit. Now, however, I can see that I really need to stay focused and clear on my Destination. The Determination has increased ten-fold and I have tightened my budget, planned out some changes for the shops, and am letting go of more things that will have no place in that Destination. I’ve mapped out a daily schedule that will allow me time at the ‘day job’ as well as give me plenty of time to work on the shops, physical movement (I’m focusing on yoga right now since it’s gentle), and still give me a full night of sleep.

Deliberation: Now comes the harder part. So many of my decisions have been mostly on a whim and with little forethought. Granted, many of those worked out for the best (like starting to dye yarn), but a few of them caused me to land face first in the mud and having trouble getting back up (like moving to Asheville). But I must move forward.

According to Merriam Webster:

definition of deliberation
1: the act of deliberating
2 : a discussion and consideration by a group of persons (as a jury or legislature) of the reasons for and against a measure
3: the quality or state of being deliberate

I am currently in the third definition of being deliberate. Every decision I make must be a deliberate one. Do I buy this coffee pot or that one? Should I replace the toaster oven now when they are on sale or wait until it breaks down? Will this dresser really work or should I think about simple shelves for my clothing and business supplies? Even things as small as which earrings I’m wearing that day has become deliberate since it causes me to think about the jewelry I still own but haven’t worn in years. Will I take it with me or cull it along with the countless t-shirts I still have in the drawers?

When it’s time for me to take that big step of making the purchase of an RV, I want to be sure that I’ve planned everything I need to plan and avoid any possibility of splinching (for those unfamiliar with that term please go here). While a mild ‘splinch’ could be something as small as not realizing that the sink needs a new faucet, it could also be as huge as the entire roof leaks and will cost hundreds of dollars to repair.  And so, my Deliberation must be thorough.

As the sunlight begins to make its way to my windows, I want you all to know that I am looking forward to meeting as many of you as I can.

Closer and closer

I have nearly all my stuff in the living room now as I prepare for moving day. It feels strange to know that the next place I call “home” will be temporary but, in a way, they always are.

Worldy PossessionsThis corner, in my 850 square feet apartment, contains almost everything that I’ll be taking with me. I wrote a little about it on my personal blog, but that still doesn’t convey the enormity of it. You see, for just a little while, I looked at that corner and my heart felt a bit crushed to know that all my possessions could fit into such a small space. The thought of “when I die” came to mind and it was a bitter laugh that escaped me when I thought about how easily my children could distribute my things. Oh, I know, that is a morbid thought, but death comes to us all and I’ve been well aware of that since my kids were very young. But in the next breath, I looked at that corner and realized that I won’t have a hard time fitting it all into a small motor home after all. Yes, I’ll still need to stay organized, but it will fit!

I also shared my thoughts with some friends and, as they usually do, they reminded me that this is a wonderful affirmation of my choices. These growing pains are necessary to get me to the place I need to be. Now, when I look at this corner, I see all the wonderful things that I have. You see, almost all of this “stuff” is there for a reason and I carefully chose these things while preparing for a life on the road. My spinning wheel, hand-painted by Sally at YorkieSlave Artworks and paid for by several dear friends so that it would arrive by my birthday a few years ago, always brings a smile to my day when I look at it. That chair was found at a thrift shop and has held my kids, the daycare kids, the cats, and a puppy – it’s also perfect to sit in cross-legged and knit. The rack with all the hangers is what I use to hang some of the skeins while I’m getting them prepared for shipment. The guitar was a gift from my dad and will get played a lot more. The walking stick was from an oak tree that had to be cut down (the roots were too close to the house) and I was able to smooth it and keep it for myself. So you see, these things are a wealth of awesomeness and love.

There was once a time in my life when these steps would have frozen me in fear of the unknown, but…last week, when I was talking to another friend (who plans to hit the road in another month or so) we were talking about the change from, “I just want to have roots,” that I used to say so frequently, to this desire to be in a different place every couple weeks. Without thought, “My roots are inside me,” popped out of my mouth. “Exactly!” she said to me, and I knew that was a truth that I’d not been able to recognize before.

I should have everything moved over by Thursday evening, except a change of clothes, cleaning supplies, and the cats. But that’s only because I’ll be sleeping at the apartment one more night so I can wake and clean before the walk-through. After that, I plan to arrange the new place as close to a motor home as I can, then relax for the weekend while soothing the cats.

I will have more news about the fundraising event soon! There are going to be some amazing things listed for you to choose from and I really look forward to getting it started. Who knows? Maybe I’ll actually be ready to hit the road by next summer.

Memory Lane and New Paths

Now that the issue with Brianna’s school has been settled, it’s time to focus again on my plans as well as work on a few projects I have going. One of those projects is a story of my childhood that I intend to share with my dad since he didn’t know me while I was growing up. While I’m typing away on this memory or that, it occurred to me that I can visit some of these places once I’m on the road. Not all of them, of course, but some. And so, I spent some time looking over Google maps in an attempt at locating a few places.

Mancos, Colorado was pretty easy to find and, if I go there, I’m pretty sure I’d be able to find my way from the school to the apartment building we lived in (if it’s still standing). Valentine, Texas is so small that I could probably drive on every street in just a few minutes, but I wouldn’t really know what places to look for (I think I’m going to have to ask a few family members about that one). Van Horn, Texas, of course, will be pretty easy to find and I’d have my dad to show me around the place and point out important spots. Luray, Tennessee is going to be a little more challenging since all the street names got changed about twenty years ago. Even so, it’s possible that if I went to the general store (or the library) and asked a few questions, that someone might remember where Mr. McCall lived and maybe even guide me to the right road.

It’s exciting to think about things like this and knowing that I’ll be there, taking pictures and writing about it, and sharing it with you all. Between the childhood memories, the friends I’ve been wanting to meet, and the various fiber shows and such, I will have a lot to share.

Sunrise

In the meantime, I’m still downsizing everything and making hard decisions about what I want to bring with me and what will be left behind. I’m getting closer and closer to having everything I own fit into only one room in the apartment. Granted, it’s still spread out between the various rooms, but as I clear out more items I can see how they will fit into place once I’m ready. Business equipment, clothing, trinkets, and various keepsakes are all being culled and then culled again. It’s a freeing process that has helped me to take a hard look at myself and the person I have been over the years as well as the person I want to become in the future.

There is a part of me that longs to head out right now. To get myself onto the open road and just see where it takes me. I still don’t have a specific plan for the route I’ll be taking, but that will be part of the fun. I know, though, that I need to plan this out carefully. Not the direction and route, but the RV and the renovation. I need to make sure that the things I bring are really necessary and that the things I leave behind are really not going to be missed.

For now, I hope that you are all having a good day and that you are all feeling warm and safe.

One Lovely Blog Award

lovelyblogaward

I have to admit that I’m a little bit teary-eyed. I know, I know, that’s something silly, but it’s been a long weekend and I’m just now sitting down to get caught up on things. When I checked in here I see that I’ve been nominated by Heather at Donning the Crescent for my blog. Dearest Heather, thank you so much! You really brought light and joy to my Solstice day.

Heather introduced me to a new book (in a round about way) and, because of the other sites she nominated, I now have quite a bit of reading to do! This is a wonderful way to spend some of the winter evenings and I look forward to getting to know them all a little bit.

Now to the rules of this event:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. (Done)
  2. Add the One Lovely Blog logo to your post. (I almost forgot that, isn’t it pretty?)
  3. Share 7 facts or things about yourself. (in just a moment)
  4. Nominate 15 or so bloggers you admire, and inform the nominees by commenting on their blog (I’ll be doing that right after I finish).

Seven things…

  1. I am saving up for a motor home to move into it and live as frugally and self sufficiently as possible.
  2. I have 3 cats who will be traveling with me and I’m currently in the process of training them to be on harnesses. Outdoors will happen when the weather is nicer and I get them micro-chipped.
  3. I started following the Pagan path in 1997, but it was sporadic for the last decade. I’m working on that.
  4. I have 2 kids: Anthony just turned 23 and Brianna will be 18 on New Year’s Eve.
  5. I am forty-three years old and don’t keep that a secret.
  6. I don’t dye my hair and am actually a little in love with all the silver strands.
  7. I have been dyeing yarn and selling it online since January 2010 and today I opened an online metaphysical shop (The Raven’s Cauldron) that is still small, but I am hopeful.

The 15 blogs I nominate are (also, the “because” I added isn’t part of the rules):

  1. Donning the Crescent – because her words are a joy to read.
  2. Be Love Live – because she’s so down to earth and a joy to know (I’m a little sad that she’s moving, but more sad that I wasn’t able to meet up with her more often).
  3. James Radcliffe – because his words are raw and truthful and eloquent.
  4. Witches of the Craft – because even though I am still new to that site, I really felt like there was a lot to learn from it.
  5. Spanish Woods – because the pictures are breathtaking and the words are eloquently paired with them.
  6. Messages from the Faeries – because Faeries and Tarot? And the site is just cool.
  7. Silver Ravenwolf – because I’ve been reading her work since 1997 and I like that most of what she says is straightforward and no-nonsense.
  8. Honey Rock Dawn – because I’m truly inspired by the life she lives
  9. Gone with the Wynns – because they have awesome information about RV living. And cats!
  10. LaBelleStudio – because the images and words speak to my soul.
  11. High in the Woods – because the poetry is lovely and raw and sometimes it hurts, too. (ETA: I hadn’t read this blog since the poem was posted on the 18th. When I read it today, I discovered that he had been hit by a car while walking and died at the scene. I am going to sit in silence for a little while now.)
  12. Ch’kara SilverWolf – because I’m always looking for more books.
  13. Christopher Martin Photography – because they pictures are beautiful and inspirational.
  14. bear Medicinewalker – because I love reading the stories.
  15. HocusPocus13 – because I like to see the variety of things posted.

I hope that you check out each of these blogs and enjoy doing so. Blessings to you all!