Fear of the unknown

As I continue going through my days and looking at how I use things around my house as well as how often I use them, I keep checking out the other blogs about traveling. Andy Baird, for example, has dozens of wonderful ideas to keep your travel plans running smoothly. (His page, his pinterest.) For the most part, I am still looking at this as a financial decision, but I’m also trying to focus on the adventure part of it. Visiting with friends, seeing places I’ve never gotten to see, revisiting places that I love… all of these are part of the glamorous side of it. But, being an Earth creature (Virgo through and through), I can’t help but focus on the responsibility of it all. How will I make sure I have enough food stocked up? Will I be able to fix the minor things that might break down? What are the best roads to travel? What am I missing with all this planning?

I felt the first real fear a couple weeks ago about all of this. Not fear that I’ll be on the road alone (that has crossed my mind, but I believe I will have that as covered as I can), not even fear that I’ll end up feeling lonely at times. No, this was a fear that I will not be able to stay warm enough in the winter. While I do plan to knit, crochet, and weave as many wool rugs as I can and I do plan to add more insulation to the interior, what if that’s not enough? I read about how people recommend the space heaters since they are actually more efficient than the heaters that come installed and it makes me think about how much electricity I’ll be using. Many of the blogs that I read talk about staying in the RV parks during the winter and using the power there. But that wasn’t part of my plan. My plan was to remain as off-grid as I possibly can. And so the fear set in. What if I can’t stay warm enough through the night? What if the cats get sick? What if the motor won’t start and I’ve got crappy cell phone reception? What if? What if? What if?

And, even though some of this is terrifying and there is a part of me that wants to cling to the instability of the current life I’m living, I know that I have to go forward. I have to swallow that fear and acknowledge how sour it tastes now so that, when I make it through my first winter, when I wake one morning to the first signs of spring, when the sunshine comes streaming through the window, I will taste the sweetness of that success. Or, if worse comes to worst, I will taste the grit of determination to do better the following winter and I will have learned what to avoid.

In the meantime, as I sit in my nicely heated apartment with my hand-knit wool socks keeping my feet warm, I will continue to downsize the things I rarely use and I’ll keep doing what I can to think of any potential issues that might arise. And I’ll knit. 🙂

In the picture you can see the “drink station” in my house. The blue water jug is filled from the filter attached to the kitchen sink and we fill it daily so that water is a little easier to get to (especially when the sink is full of yarn soaking in Eucalan). The electric teakettle is used several times a day for a variety of drinks or cooking and when it finally boils its last liter, I will be very sad. The French press gets used every two days and is relatively new to me (I have found that I don’t like the extra “graininess” of the coffee). The teapot gets used whenever I know that I want more than one cup of coffee and I generally use it with a mesh ball. And, of course, one of my favorite mugs (it holds 16oz and has sunflowers!).

So… which of these items really need to come with me? Which ones can I find new homes for? Counter space will be very limited, of course, so I have to think along those lines. But I still have plenty of time to figure it all out.

I hope you are all having a beautiful day!